Shabbat Shalom and welcome to Judeo Talk. The Torah portion for this week, Chayei Sarah (the life of Sarah) marks the passing of the head of Abraham's family to Isaac upon his marriage to Rebekah, a Mesopotamian woman who embodies the ancient Hebrew concept of propriety. But really, this story is essentially a stately romance of antiquity. Like the great novelized romances of Victorian literature, kindness and manners are shorthand in this story for love and a prosperous partnership between the man and woman concerned. In fact, much of this parsha revolves around this concept of an above-board approach to delicate emotional business.
At the beginning of the parsha, Abraham's wife Sarah dies at the age of 127. After a period of grief, Abraham seeks out a place to inter Sarah's body and he ends up requesting a specific cave from a neighbor named Ephron. At this point, Abraham and his family are very well-liked in Canaan, so much so that Ephron offers to give Abraham the cave and the land around it free of charge. Abraham insists on paying a fair price for it and the two men come to a deal. There is an important dynamic here. Abraham is grief-stricken, but neither he nor Ephron seek to take advantage of the emotional weight of Sarah's death. Abraham could easily take a burial cave for free, just as Ephron could ask an unfair price for the land. That they both go about the business details of their transaction so kindly and fairly is a lesson in itself. Life happens and sometimes it incurs real-world costs. It takes a gentle approach to handle such matters in a way that is fair to all parties involved.
With Sarah gone, it is time to find Isaac a wife so the Abrahamic line can continue and fulfill their destiny according the Covenant. When the time comes, Abraham sends a faithful servant named Eliezer to the land currently known as Mesopotamia to find a suitable young woman. As for why Isaac doesn't go himself, the sages have concluded that it is important for at least one of the patriarchs to be born in and never leave the Promised Land. Isaac, for such a significant figure, doesn't actually do much in the Tanakh. He's more of a fulcrum than an actor in these stories.
When Eliezer arrives at his destination, he devises a method for selecting the girl to whom he'll offer Isaac that basically identifies a person who is conscious of kindness and common courtesy. When Rebekah, then her family prove that they are as well-mannered as possible, they strike a deal with Eliezer and the engagement is set. Interestingly, Eliezer also gives Rebekah some jewelry for her trouble, a clear parallel to the silver Abraham paid to Ephron for the burial cave.
According to our society's modern concept of romance, the courtship of Rebekah isn't very appealing, but in the ancient sense it's really quite heartwarming. In an age and region where it wouldn't have been out of place for Abraham to use his wealth and power to force any girl he wished to marry his son, he insists on fairness and propriety. Rebekah obviously comes from a less wealthy family than Isaac, as she does work usually reserved for servants and has no jewelry before Eliezer shows up. This story is of two families being good and honest to one another, not just for their own sakes but for the sake of their shared future in their children.