On any given Friday night, most if not all the people in a synagogue are Jewish. They either grew up experiencing the rituals and traditions of the faith or they were diligently taught about them during the process of conversion. Occasionally non-Jewish visitors go to a synagogue as guests of congregants or as curious outsiders of a different faith who want to participate in a cultural exchange. For these newcomers the experience of services at a Jewish house of worship can be strange or jarring. This is a quick guide to demystify some of the unique aspects of ritual at the average synagogue for those who have never visited one before.
What is that hat and why are only the men wearing it?
The round skullcap worn mostly by men at a Jewish service is called a kipah (kee-pah) or a yarmulke (yah-mah-kah or yah-mul-kah, depending on region). It is worn as a sign of respect for the ritual space and as a physical reminder of the divine presence that is, metaphorically speaking, always above us. While it has long been the tradition for men exclusively to wear them, there is no rule prohibiting women from wearing them as well. In fact, in more conservative Jewish circles, the women do indeed wear kipot. As a non-Jewish visitor you are not required to wear one, though you'll appear more in-the-know if you do.
Another clothing question: What is that shawl with the fringes some people are wearing?
The traditional prayer shawl is called a talit (or talis in some Ashkenazi Jewish communities). Like the kipah it is a symbol of reverence and an acknowledgment of the ritual taking place. It represents an individual wrapping his or her self in the laws of Torah. Usually only those Jews who have achieved a bar or bat mitzvah wear talit. In some synagogues it is the custom to only wear talit when the Torah itself is being read. As a non-Jewish visitor, it will likely be seen as inappropriate for you to wear one, though there is no specific rule against it.
Why do the books open backward?
Most Jewish prayer books open right-to-left in accordance with how the Hebrew language, found inside the books, is read.
Why are some English parts of the prayer book italicized?
Congregant participation is vital to any Jewish ritual. At times throughout the service, those in attendance will be asked to read the italicized text together out loud in response to the plain text recited by the person leading the service.
What are those gestures people make during certain parts of the service?
During specific prayers it has long been the custom to incorporate certain movements, such as bowing or turning to face a specific direction. There are usually no instructions in the supplied prayer books concerning these motions, as they are usually passed down to new generations by observation alone. You are not obligated to mimic these movements, though it is polite to follow any motion instructions given by the service leader.
There's food after the service is over. Is it polite for me to eat some of it?
Absolutely. The refreshments after the service, called an Oneg Shabbat (joy of the sabbath), are provided for all congregants and their guests. The purpose of this post-service snack is to give those in attendance incentive to stick around, chat and meet new people. As a guest you are not only welcome to enjoy the oneg, you are encouraged to. Don't worry, the congregants won't take this time to preach to you. In fact, proselytizing is generally frowned upon in the Jewish community. Take the oneg as an opportunity to make new friends, ask any questions you may have and generally relax.
These are some of the most common questions non-Jewish visitors have during their first time at a synagogue. If you readers have any further questions, don't hesitate to ask them in our comments section.